


Forever Rain

by PyroYoongi



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, No Romance, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-12 15:39:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16875552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyroYoongi/pseuds/PyroYoongi
Summary: Jimin tries to comfort Yoongi after his loss. How long until he finally fulfills his wish?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS INVOLVES SERIOUS ISSUES SUCH AS SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, AND DEATH, SO IF THOSE MAKE YOU VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, I APOLOGIZE.

His heart raced, choking back a sob as his dry throat tried to call out for the male who's body lay in shambles on the pavement, blood surrounding him. 'No..No, no no no' It can't be him, anyone but him. He can't lose him, not now when they were so close to graduating together, not when they were planning on coming out together in front of their parents, not when they had so much planned. He was held back by the police officers, who was telling him to stay back, but he eventually broke free and ran over to the body,tears blurring his vision but he could make out the delicate features of his boyfriend. His eyes, which were once so full of life, were black. The skin that was once a pretty olive tone that he loved was slowly losing it's color. Just like his world did at that moment, at 2:43 in that once beautiful afternoon. His world was ripped from him, and that stupid silver SUV hadn't stopped. He heard the officers say something that shattered him completely. 

'The victim, Hak Jihoon, is pronounced dead at 2:45 pm of April 4th, cause of death: Hit and run.'

 

Yoongi sat up with jolt. It had been a year since that incident, the incident that took every bit of hope and happiness from him, and it haunts him. If only it were me, he thought, tears welling in his eyes, then Jihoon could have lived happily...go to medical school..helped so many people.. But it was too late.. and he couldn't do anything about it. He took a deep breath and shook his head, giving a shaky exhale. He had to calm himself down, if he broke down now, he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in the rest of the day. He knew his friends would understand, but sometimes, he thinks its better to live without feeling emotions at all. Maybe then he could go day by day not wanting to end his life. Maybe then he could live without the overwhelming guilt of not being able to help anyone. He hated this life. This existence. He hated it because he knew he wasn't alive anymore. He had died that day a year ago. That beautiful spring day, that turned cold as his sun was wiped from his once blue sky. Instead, it was replaced with an ever gray sky, the bright colors fading into a monotonous color scheme, where there is forever rain. Just how it was that day.

Yoongi couldn't find the will to get up. He couldn't find the point, not when he knew the world still turned, while people were unaware that he was in pain. He couldn't put that on his friends, he couldn't make them worry. He didn't want to be this way. He wanted to hang out with his friends like he used to. He wanted to feel a part of something, but at this point the guilt ate who he was, and threatened to eat up the shell that was left. The shell that, soon, might be able to reunite with someone he once called his.

He laid motionless on his bed, as he did yesterday and the day before. He couldn't be bothered to get up. He had missed so many college classes that he was failing. He hasn't talked to any of his friends in three days, and he doesn't think they noticed or care. That is, until a loud crash and a few loud voices echoed through the empty dorm room, but Yoongi didn't even flinch. He didn't even acknowledge when his friend Hoseok shouted his name, instead staring at the wall with a blank expression. 

 

Earlier, Jimin was with his group of friends, looking around for one missing member of the small group. "Yoongi isn't here again, Jimin." The voice of Hoseok rung out, catching his worried gaze. "He hasn't been out with us for a few days." His voice, although friendly, was sympathetic. They knew of his feelings for the male, and it was almost painful to see him being brushed off. He was like a puppy, following the older around and to say that it breaks his heart to see his efforts to cheer up Yoongi not being even somewhat acknowledged. 

"Why do you still like him, hyung? He doesn't seem to even notice you.." Jungkook wasn't coming from a place of malice, but of curiosity, genuinely confused. It's not like Yoongi was going to fall in love with him, or even look at him as a friend or a potential lover. So why did he go through all this trouble? Jimin looked down, a small sad smile on his face as he looked at the flowers on a nearby bush. 

"Because he did so much for me...I want to help him as much. Because of him, I can live..." The pain the rest of the group felt when they heard the sadness in his voice grew. Hoseok clapped his hands, catching everyone's attention. 

"Lets go surprise Yoonie! I am sure he would like that!"

 

Currently they are pulling Yoongi out of bed to dress him, pulling him out of those Kumamon pajamas. "Lets go out and get something to eat, you haven't hung out with us in a few days and we were worried!" Taehyung spoke up, voice cheerful. Yoongi looked around at all his friends and he felt himself smile faintly. 

 

Of course his friends would notice if something was wrong. They were there until the end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories hurt, and Yoongi knows it very well

Hak Jihoon, an eighteen year old male with a smile so bright it could rival the sun. He had dreams of being a doctor to help heal the sick, to help heal his dad who was currently bedridden. Hak Jihoon, who has jokes that could make the usually stoic Min Yoongi laugh, and Hak Jihoon...the male who he was dating that was the light at the end of Yoongi's tunnel.

"Yoonie, youre so stiff! Taehyungie was only trying to play a joke! And it won't stain, chocolate can be washed off of clothes.." Hak Jihoon pouted, his cheeks puffed out in a way that had Yoongi practically melting. His eyes were shining in a puppy-dog stare and he cracked, his boyfriend was so cute. 

"Fine...but if it happens again, I am shoving your face in the chocolate cake." Yoongi smiled wide, a laugh on his lips. His boyfriend brightened up, smiling wide, and all Yoongi could do was watch him with gentle fondness in his brown eyes, absolutely head over heals for this precious cutie that looked at him like he was the entire universe. So overcome with emotions for the male in front of him, his hands cupped his cheeks, bringing his lips against his in a slow, passion-filled kiss. His skin was soft under his fingertips, and he tasted of chocolate frosting- probably since he tends to steal a taste when he thought no one was looking- and his hands moved from his cheeks to his hips, pulling him closer. Jihoon's hands were rested on his chest, and he felt his heart all but bursting at the seams, the happiest he has been in a while.

 

Jihoon was cuddled up to Yoongi, head rested as he tried to cover up the small sniffles. Yoongi heard and let out a small chuckle, looking down at the smaller boy. "What has you so upset, baby? This isn't even sad, it's a romantic comedy." Even still, he kissed his forehead and wiped away his tears, smiling at how cute his smaller boyfriend was. 

"They finally got-" He hiccuped quietly. "They finally got together- I'm so happy-" Jihoon's tears continued to fall and Yoongi kissed away every bit of tears, pulling him as close as he could to his body.

"They are, baby. But why are you crying?" He rubbed over his side in small movements to comfort him, trying to help calm his boyfriend who is, thankfully, only letting out shuddering sighs with a small sniffle here and there. 

"Because...I know how happy they must have been..because I was that way when you said yes to being my boyfriend..." Holy fuck did he have the most precious boyfriend on this planet.

 

Yoong was looking through the photos on his phone, his eyes blurring at the memories each held. His gallery was filled with stupid selfies with Jihoon, some of them where they made silly faces, some which he took without him knowing, and some where the smaller boy stole his phone to take pics in the bathroom when he also took his shirt hostage and wore it. The shirt he wore that day..the shirt he loved to steal because it was Yoongi's favorite and it smelled like him... As he scrolled deeper and deeper into the pictures, he stopped at one that he had. It was their first date, and he remembered how nervous he was..

 

Yoongi was in his car, outside of Jihoon's house. He was going on his first date and to say he was so nervous he could puke was an understatement. His palms were sweating, but he felt his tummy flutter in excitement. He couldn't wait, and after a bit of a peptalk to hype himself up, he got out of his car and walked to the front door, knocking on it once when a male opened it. Jihoon's older brother. The male smiled down at him, seeming to have expected him. "Jihoon is nervous, but seeing you, you don't seem any better. Have fun!" He then stepped back and shouted up the stairs "Jihoonie! Your date is here!" He then looked at Yoongi with a smile and winking playfully before walking off with a 'Wear protection!' as Jihoon walked downstairs, beaming all the way.

Jihoon looked beautiful, in a pink sweater and light blue skinny jeans with white shoes. He was bright, just like it reflected in his personality.

"Yoonie!" He then stopped in his tracks, caught off-guard at what he was wearing. Yoongi looked down, hoping it wan't too out of place. He was wearing a pair of nice lightwashed skinny jeans, a white shirt tucked into his jeans, a black leather jacket, nice black pants, and a beanie. Casual but dressed up. 

"Is it that bad?" He looked up at him, nerves making him anxious. "I thought I would go for a full suit but I thought I would look stupid-" When Jihoon's finger went up to his lips, he quieted down.

"You look so handsome, Yoonie. I just think you should wear this jacket more." He smiled and ran his hand over it, causing the taller boy to blush and mumble a quiet 'I'll keep that in mind'.

 

Yoongi smiled sadly at the picture they took that day. They were eating ice cream after their original plans were ruined. They spent all day together, and when he walked him home, they shared their first kiss. It was awkward, and he was sure he didn't know what he was doing, but it was his favorite memory. He landed himself a second date, and when he went in his car, he celebrated all the way home. It was the best day of his life, but now, looking back at the memories, he felt his heart drop. His sad smile dropped and that feeling was back. His heart squeezed in his chest, and an overwhelming sadness took over his chest, causing his eyes to blur in another round of tears. 

Yoongi looked up when he felt an arm around him, Jimin coming into his line of site with a sad smile on his lips, sitting next to him. He lean on his shoulder, which Yoongi brushed off as he stared at his phone with an empty look.

It hurt Jimin to see Yoongi like this. To see him blaming himself and letting this cloud waste him away. He missed his smile, the sparkle in his eye when he was excited, his loud and boisterous laugh. He missed it. Jimin has liked Yoongi for years, his crush developing since he started high school four years ago. He thought he was beautiful, taken by the way he secretly cared for his friends, with how he squeezed his eyes when he laughed, how he pouted when he talked. He thought he was beautiful, but he wasn't the only one. A couple years later, a male came up to him. 

 

"You know Min Yoongi..right?" The voice was quiet and pretty shy, and Jimin looked up to see a male with blonde hair, pretty features, and a bright eye smile. When he nodded, the male seemed excited. "Can you help me? I really like him, and I don't know how to ask him out..." At that, he felt his heart break. He should have known others would like him. Regardless, he nodded. "Oh! I'm Hak Jihoon!" He held out his hand with a wide smile. "It's nice to meet you!"

 

Jimin knew Yoongi liked Hak Jihoon. He talked about him a lot and allowed himself to get stolen away by him anytime he could. It hurt him, but to see the sparkle in Yoongi's eye when he saw the male was worth it. Anything to make Yoongi happy... even if that means he isn't. Yoongi needs a lot of encouragement. 

"Yoonie-" He was cut off by Yoongi's cold voice.

"Don't call me that..." Jimin flinched at that, his hand that was stretching out retracting slowly before he nodding. 

"Alright..." He then got up and looked down as he walked out, deciding he needed time to himself. If it made Yoongi feel better, he is willing to even die for him, because he deserved to be happy more than anyone he knows.

Yoongi helped me more than I could help him...so I will help him in every way I could, even if he doesn't want me to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY


	3. Chapter 3

Jimin's heart was in pain...Seeing Yoongi so helpless and suffering so much hurts him to this day, and he felt like he couldn't do anything. The depression that was swallowing the man he fell in love with was looming over the younger's soul as well, causing him to sit here and stare at the wall, feeling hopeless. He knows most people would want to help him, but they wont understand. No one does...no one has...

 

Jimin is still in love with Yoongi, despite helping Hak Jihoon...He feels no ill-will, isn't happy of his death, because he knows. He knows how it feels to have someone you love ripped away from you, and because of that, he tries to comfort. No matter how often he gets pushed away by Yoongi, how he feels more of a distance between them then he could ever imagine, he will try for him. Because he knows Yoongi needs someone. He knows Yoongi feels alone, feels like no matter how often he pushes away the memories plaguing his ming, he cant shake off that it is all his fault. That he is to blame. It hurts to know Yoongi does think that. And he knows every detail. Every gory, horrifying detail of that day a year ago, he knows. Jihoon wasn't paying attention to his surroundings once he had his headphones in. The driver was a little drunk. He wasn't aware, he didn't know. Yoongi wasn't outside, having ran in to get something. It was just a few seconds. A few stupid seconds he wished ended differently. He knew the driver won't apologize. After all, his dad was always a bit stubborn to admit his faults.

 

Meanwhile, Yoongi was walking to the door, seeing if he could slip out while everyone was helping themselves to the contents of his fridge and taking over the tv. He quietly slipped on his shoes and walked out, heading down the elevator as he mindlessly let his feet take him where he was going. Where he always went when everything is too much.

When his heart elevated to his chest and the tears in his eyes almost blur everything into swatches of colors. He hasn't been out often. The sun seemed almost inappropriate at this time, bringing bright colors and warmth to a world that lost an angel. An angel no one knew who could speak words beyond their years, who's hugs made you feel so at home you could trust them. His mind wondered and reeled, seeming to be incapable to think of anything that could replace that beautiful smile, that laugh that could make him laugh. He couldn't find anyone who could fit against him when they cuddled or who's hands were so small that his larger ones could overpower his. He knew of no one who would sing in his ear to help him sleep at night, and no one to get into playful fights and whine his nickname in the way he could. He had no one..

When he snapped out of his thoughts, he was in front of a headstone, one he had seen so often that he couldn't stop his feet from coming here. He read over the words carved in it over and over he could recte them by heart: 

'Hak Jihoon. Brother, Son, and now an angel. He loved, and though he is gone, He will never be forgotten.'

Yoongi scoffed at that. 'Never be forgotten' but here is his grave, abandoned. He couldn't do that to him when he was the sole supporter of all his dreams, realistic or not. It was nice to have that, since he couldn't think of anyone who could have support him. No one was there...

No one else but Park Jimin, but he didn't need to know that

 

Jimin was walking along the sidewalk in the back as everyone was talking to themselves. He was always pushed to the back, left in his thoughts. It hurt him though..to be pushed back like this. But he just accepted it. Accepted that, even though he tries to help with kind words and a helping hand, was not really needed unless someone was upset. He had been wearing sweaters even through summer vacation because he hated himself, and the way he treated his body showed. He hardly seemed to eat, doesn't bother to sing, and when he is home, he is hit with the feeling of being truly and utterly alone. 

He is just a background character, unable to finally break out of the role and everyday he is reminded of that. He was inadequate. He was lesser than..the monster that had eaten him up since childhood was back, the dark traces revealed in the way his arms were marked up. Gross scars that forever plagued his skin in faint white marks that collected on his arm reminded him he cant do anything but sit on his bed. He sits and puts a blade to his skin in hopes maybe that will drag his mind from the pain of existing. No one noticed his struggle, the pain behind his eyes, the hopelessness from his lips every time he tried to input anything into a conversation. He may not show it, but it collected, and he has never felt more inadequate then he did in high school. He wanted to die.

Then Min Yoongi, the man he fell in love with, saved him.

The group chat, despite his Jimin's lack of involvement, was full of life. Of course, they didn't need him. Why would they? He looked over the entire log, a pain in his heart when he stopped at a text Yoongi sent, not expecting it. 

Yoonie: Jimin is really trying to cheer you up and you never do anything but ignore him, of course he wouldn't want anything to do with you. Sometimes he looks so sad, thats why I often ask him to come with us.

Yoongi took notice of him? He got..upset over the way he was being treated..Yoongi understood he was trying..he never invited him just to be rude...but to include him...

Since that day, he made a promise to repay Yoongi, and instead of killing himself that night, he went to sleep for the first time feeling somewhat neutral, a feeling he hasn't felt in a log time. Instead of nightmares, he was welcomed in the arms of a dreamless sleep, hope filling his heart for the first time since he was younger.

The memory replayed in Jimin's mind. The day that gave him the small glimmer of hope and sparked a life within him that he felt like he had lost. He thinks about it every time something happens to bring him down that path, the pencil in his hand flicking between his fingers as he stared at the note in front of him. The one he wrote a long time ago, when he was ready to die. He has read over it over and over, the words etched in his mind. The words he wrote down that he knew would fall on deaf ears, but hope someone would hear the last cry of help. The words were rubbed away, the paper worn, but he could make out the words:

To whomever finds this, I am sorry.  
I couldn't live on. I couldn't bear the thoughts of being a shell that walked amongst the people who shone so bright. I didn't wish to be cold, heartless person I knew I was becoming, and because of that, I had let he darkness win. I had let him take the las bits of me that he wanted, this looming shadow that started feeling like home in my heart. I was just some background character, who couldn't match the energy of the outside world..I was so tired of fighting..and I just wanted to drown. Hopefully peace will overcome this damned soul of mine, one that was doomed into eternal loneliness and hopeless disarray. I'm sorry for causing chaos...wow..even I believe that is a comforting thought I am glad to never know...because everyone won't notice...maybe that is what will happen here....I just wish for Yoongi to know of my feelings for him..for him to know he is the most beautiful when he grins and it sparkles in his eyes, that he is never brighter than when he extends his wisdom and helps someone else. He has done nothing but shine as brightly as he could, and I only wished I could shine like that. I am sorry I couldn't tell him face to face...maybe in a next life...  
Signed,   
Jimin.

The letter was covered in stains, he wrote it the day before his planned suicide. He knew himself well, though. He knew he could take so much more before he tries again, and this time, he will succeed. He has had enough of being invisible again. It was slowly suffocating him, but he knows he has a mission to fulfill to Yoongi and that is that, no matter how often he has to be a thorn in his side, he wants to see Yoongi's smile at least one more time before he died. 

 

Jimin padded through the empty halls of the house he lived in, his socked feet making minimal amounts of noise as he headed to his kitchen, the large building quiet. He was alone, as he always was since he was little, his parents both doctors who constantly pulled long hours at the hospitals they worked at. He had grown used to the quietness of his house, finding a type of comfort in it that welcomed him, almost like a person who had been waiting with open arms. He felt like he didn't have to worry, and became too comfortable in that peaceful world in which he could drop his defenses. He pulled out a bottle of water and sighed, a heaviness on his shoulders as he took a sip before closing the door and walking back into his room when he stopped and stared at his parents' bedroom. Knowing how much Yoongi was suffering was killing him. So he knew what he had to do.

He had to know the truth of his boyfriend's death.

His dad will hate him. God, his dad will beat him mercilessly when he learned his son ratted out that the same doctor who had to do the check up was the same one who ran him over, slightly drunk, and 100% convinced he did nothing because it was 'that bastard of a kid's fault'. He had to know, and he would rather the boy be hated over his father, who has done a lot of good. He would rather Yoongi hate him for keeping this secret. He would rather that because he knew Yoongi needed to hate someone or he would hate himself more, but Jesus, was he scared. He wasn't scared about going behind his father's back. He valued his life so little...he was scared for Yoongi...and what he would do. He had to know, though. So when he settled his mind, he took a deep breath and finally walked back to his room, preparing himself.

Jimin closed the door to his room and flopped on his bed, pulling his phone off the charger as he looked for the contact for Yoongi. Once he pulled it up, his fingers froze. What was he doing? How can he say it? He stared at the phone with a blank stare, thinking of ways he could tell him. Should he sugarcoat it? How the hell can he do that? How about bring it up casually? No, no...

Jimin sighed and after thinking for a long while, he decided to just state it. 

You: Hey..Yoongi..I know who killed your boyfriend...but you won't like me after I tell you...

Yoonie: Who did it?

You: ...My father...

You are unable to send text to this service. Try again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its short and rushed :(

Jimin hasn't been okay since he was blocked by Yoongi, but he didn't cry. He didn't, not when he had asked for the older to hate him. How could he? That, however, didn't mean it hurt any less, didn't cause his heart to rip from inside his own chest. 

Jimin knew his dad wouldn't apologize, but he had to. If not for Yoongi, then for the fact that karma would hurt him. He pulled out his phone and dialed his father's number. No answer. Once, twice, three times more and after being sent to voicemail each time, he grabbed his keys and decided he needed to stand up to his father.

His father wasn't horrible by any means, a kind and gentle man who the boy didn't get his height from, sadly. He was charismatic and actually really laid back outside of work, knowing that being stiff wouldn't get him far. Well, he was like that until the crash, then everything seemed different. He almost seemed defensive, almost guilty. He would be quick to anger, recluse himself in his work room, and seemed to be unable to look Jimin in the eye. It was unnerving, it was drastic, and it seemed like he was ashamed.

How had he no idea of the wild ride about to go down in a few hours.

 

As Jimin walked down the halls of the bustling hospital, where he knew his father basically resided. He knew it was going to be hard, as many people have been in and out to help people who have been in a bad crash that apparently took place a few hours ago, and looked through to find where his father could be. The amount of people running around almost like the damn building was on fire...he truthfully hated it here...he hated it since this same hospital was the one he was brought to despite already being dead...the same one where he lost his sister as a stillborn so many years ago...

When he saw him in his office, he knocked on the door and walked in, finding it odd that his dad wasn't a part of the hustle and bustle outside. "Dad..I wanted to talk to you if you have a minute.." His voice was quiet, still mildly terrified of his father's reaction. When the man looked up from his computer, he leaned back and nodded. 

Jimin took a deep breath, the jitters too much for him. How can he tell his dad to apologize to Yoongi? Was he crazy? But he needed to tell him. He had to, it was only right. "Father? I need you to apologize to Yoongi...he needs to know and you need to tell him. He has been suffering-" His father cut him off.

"He has? Good." He looked almost unbothered, like he wanted it, which stunned Jimin. 

Jimin stared at the man in front of him, a sudden look of confusion and shock taking over his face, which the older man saw immediately. When he got up from his desk, he motioned the younger to sit down, walking to the door and looking out, closing it and locking it. Turning back to his son, he sighed. "I guess I should tell you the truth as to what happened that day." That statement only caused more questions to pop up, but he only watched as his dad sat back down and took off his glasses, running his fingers over his face. 

"I knew you were gay, Jimin...I knew it since you were still but in year eight, but Yoongi solidified my suspicions. I just wanted you to be happy, so when you came in crying, I got upset myself. I know you deserve happiness, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me after I tell you the truth. I killed him because he deserved it. He deserved to die."

Jimin felt his heart drop, his eyes wide. "Wh-what? He didn't deserve anything! He was just trying to make-"

"Trying to make Yoongi happy? But what about you? He is oblivious to your pining, ignores you, doesn't care- but I will make him. I will make him miss you, just like he misses that...that murderer." His father was glaring down at him, brows scrunched. "Did you ever wondered who's parent's killed your sister? It was his. His parents murdered your sister when your mother was in labor. She died as soon as he had her...his father. So I showed him how it felt to lose someone that meant so much to him. I know Jihoon was his pride and joy. Why do you think I did it? Because I was drunk?" The news his Jimin like a ton of bricks, he felt overwhelmed, almost like he couldn't breath under the weight of the actions his father is currently telling him, almost like he felt no remorse. 

"Dad...that..that isn't right. There must be something that could have happened that day! Maybe she was sic or weak or-" He stopped when hs father scoffed.

"Why are you sticking up for them? Don't tell me you think Jihoon was nice, did you? He knew you liked Yoongi. Why would he ask you out of the others who knew him just as much as you?" That hit Jimin hard, hurt him in every way it could, and he just sat there, tears collecting at the bottom of his eyes. "Jihoon used you, son. I'm sorry."

Jimin looked down, quickly wiping away the stray tear from his eye and taking a shuddering breath to stop himself from crying, and he nodded. He got up on shaky legs and turned, walking out of the office, brain unable to comprehend the news he was just told. He always thought his dad was a good guy, someone who would never hurt a fly, much less a person but now...his entire view on him changed in those few minutes, and he had to tell Yoongi, he needed to know..

But what can he do if he doesn't even want to speak to him?

 

Jimin ended up telling the rest of the group what happened. He needed to tell someone, in case they told Yoongi. He knew that he wouldn't be happy but...he had to tell someone. Tell them why, tell them the motive and maybe...get his father the justice he deserved. The group talked it over and thought Jimin should be the one to tip the police, and when they went their separate ways, Jimin thought of a plan. He just hoped it worked.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sORRY :(


End file.
